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.This is best illustrated by an example.A woman came to us referredby a psychiatrist.She wanted to lose 45 pounds.She had lost thisweight in the past, but every time she lost it, she regained it.She couldget it off, but she couldn't keep it off.We discovered through refrainingthat there was no of her that had any objection to her losingweight.However, the part of her that caused her to overeat was doingthat in order to protect her marriage.you make that connection? Ifyou can't, let me explain a little further.In the opinion of this part ofthe woman who was overweight, if she were to lose the weight andweigh what she wanted to weigh, she would be physically attractive tomen.If she were physically attractive she would be approachedand propositioned.In the opinion of this part she did not haveadequate resources to make good decisions for herself in response tothose propositions.She able to say was no part ofher that wanted her to be overweight.There was, however, a part of herthat used her being overweight to institutionalize the choice of nothaving to cope with a situation that it believed she couldn't cope witheffectively, and that might lead to the end of her marriage.This isknown as "secondary gain."The heart of refraining is to make the distinction between thethis case to protect her marriage, and thethis case overeating.Then you can find new, more acceptable,behaviors that satisfy the same intention.One thing that people rarely understand is that people's symptomswork.As long as being fat worked and accomplished the intention,that part was going to keep her fat.When it had better ways ofprotecting her marriage, then it could allow her to lose the weight,which in fact she did without dieting. 139Let's demonstrate now.Who wants toOK, Dick, we want you to keep any content to yourself, leaving thepeople here free simply to observe the process that we go through.Either Dick is doing something now which he doesn't have a choiceabout, a sort of compulsive behavior which he would rather replacewith something else, or there is something he would rather do but heisn't able to do.Those are the two verbal ways of coding the world ofpossibility.Dick: It's the first.OK.If it's all right with you, let's give the code name X to the patternof behavior you presently have which you would rather replace withsomething else more appropriate.And I assume that pattern X,conscious judgement, is not a good representation of you as a totaladult organism.just identified the pattern, the thing the personwants to change.That is step one.The next step is to establish communication with the part of Dickresponsible for this pattern X that he wants to change.Embedded in this context is a notion that I will state directly to himand that I want to point out to the rest of you as well.Dick, I haverespect for the part of you that is responsible for pattern X occurringover and over again in your behavior.got here.You're sitting hereand you are successful in doing a lot of the things that you do in yourlife.I am convinced that the part of you that runs patternthough you consciously don't appreciate attempting to dosomething positive in your behalf.I will induce no changes until thepart of you that is responsible for running X is satisfied that thechanges are more appropriate for as well as for you as a totalorganism.This only makes sense if you have a belief system that says "Look.Ifhe had conscious control over this behavior, it would have changedalready." So some part of him which is not conscious is running thispattern of behavior.I can guarantee you that ninety-nine times out of a hundred when aperson wants to make a change and they come to you for assistance,there's going to be a dissociation, a conflict, between their consciousdesires and some unconscious set of programs.The unconscious is farmore powerful.It far more about his needs than his consciousmind, far more than I could ever possibly know the outside.Ially myself immediately with the unconscious, and that's what I justfinished doing.That's one way to accomplish that, verbally and 140explicitly: "Look, I'm not talking to your conscious mind.I'm talkingto the part of you responsible for this pattern of behavior.It's going torun the show.I'm going to serve as its consultant."Now how you communicate with that part? If you had to go to theFederal Building in San Francisco and get someone to sign a paper,you'd be faced with a very complex task.Because out of 450 peoplein that building, there's only one of them whom you need to get to.Ifyou were to adopt the strategy of searching for the one person whosesignature you need by stopping at the door and talking to the guardand asking if he'll sign it, and then moving down the hallway, officeafter office, searching for the person who is authorized to sign, you'dwaste a great deal of time.It would be an inefficient strategy for you touse to get what you want in that bureaucratic setting.That's a reallyclose metaphor for a lot of the work that therapists do.Therapists have been trained to pay a great deal of attention to theconscious requests of their clients.Typically the conscious mind is theone that knows the least about what's going on in their behavior.Thefact that a person would come into my office and say to me "I'm X-ingand I no longer want to do that; help me a change," is a statementto me that he's already tried to make the change with all the resourcesthat he can get to consciously and he's failed miserably.It seems asabsurd as beginning with the guard and working your way throughevery office, for me to engage his conscious mind in a discussion ofthese possibilities.I want to go directly to the office where the personwho can sign that paper is residing.I want to go directly to the part ofDick which is controlling his behavior at the unconscious level in thiscontext.I also make the assumption that the part of you that makes youeven though you don't like that doing something onyour behalf, something that benefits you in some way.I don't knowwhat that is, and from your response you consciously don't know whatit is, because you want to stop it.So let's establish contact with that part officially.This is step two.It's already happened, but let's do it officially.Dick, do you know howto use words to talk to yourself on the inside? OK.What I'd you todo is to go inside in a moment and ask a question.I'll tell you what thequestion is.Your job, after you've asked this question, is simply toattend to any changes you sense in your body sensations, anykinesthetic changes, any images, or any sounds that occur in responseto the question.You don't have to try to influence this in any way.The 141part of you responsible for this pattern will make its needs knownthrough one of those sensory channels.You just have to be sensitive todetect the response.The question I would like you to ask is "Will the part of meresponsible for pattern X communicate with me in consciousness?"And then simply notice what change of feelings, images,or sounds.Your job out there, while Dick is doing this, is to observe him andalways get the answer to the question I have him ask before he gives itto us.And you already have it.That's really typical.We talked theother day about a choice in communication.Thisis one context in which I strongly recommend that you do notcomment, unless you simply want to shake somebody up.If you canalways get the answer before your client does, you have a reallypowerful direct channel of communication to their unconscious,outside of their awareness, that allows you to do really powerfulchecks.If the answer that you observe is different from theanswer they get in their awareness, that's an important thing to know.Dick, what was your experience after you asked the question?Dick: Confusion.OK."Confusion" is a nominalization [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.This is best illustrated by an example.A woman came to us referredby a psychiatrist.She wanted to lose 45 pounds.She had lost thisweight in the past, but every time she lost it, she regained it.She couldget it off, but she couldn't keep it off.We discovered through refrainingthat there was no of her that had any objection to her losingweight.However, the part of her that caused her to overeat was doingthat in order to protect her marriage.you make that connection? Ifyou can't, let me explain a little further.In the opinion of this part ofthe woman who was overweight, if she were to lose the weight andweigh what she wanted to weigh, she would be physically attractive tomen.If she were physically attractive she would be approachedand propositioned.In the opinion of this part she did not haveadequate resources to make good decisions for herself in response tothose propositions.She able to say was no part ofher that wanted her to be overweight.There was, however, a part of herthat used her being overweight to institutionalize the choice of nothaving to cope with a situation that it believed she couldn't cope witheffectively, and that might lead to the end of her marriage.This isknown as "secondary gain."The heart of refraining is to make the distinction between thethis case to protect her marriage, and thethis case overeating.Then you can find new, more acceptable,behaviors that satisfy the same intention.One thing that people rarely understand is that people's symptomswork.As long as being fat worked and accomplished the intention,that part was going to keep her fat.When it had better ways ofprotecting her marriage, then it could allow her to lose the weight,which in fact she did without dieting. 139Let's demonstrate now.Who wants toOK, Dick, we want you to keep any content to yourself, leaving thepeople here free simply to observe the process that we go through.Either Dick is doing something now which he doesn't have a choiceabout, a sort of compulsive behavior which he would rather replacewith something else, or there is something he would rather do but heisn't able to do.Those are the two verbal ways of coding the world ofpossibility.Dick: It's the first.OK.If it's all right with you, let's give the code name X to the patternof behavior you presently have which you would rather replace withsomething else more appropriate.And I assume that pattern X,conscious judgement, is not a good representation of you as a totaladult organism.just identified the pattern, the thing the personwants to change.That is step one.The next step is to establish communication with the part of Dickresponsible for this pattern X that he wants to change.Embedded in this context is a notion that I will state directly to himand that I want to point out to the rest of you as well.Dick, I haverespect for the part of you that is responsible for pattern X occurringover and over again in your behavior.got here.You're sitting hereand you are successful in doing a lot of the things that you do in yourlife.I am convinced that the part of you that runs patternthough you consciously don't appreciate attempting to dosomething positive in your behalf.I will induce no changes until thepart of you that is responsible for running X is satisfied that thechanges are more appropriate for as well as for you as a totalorganism.This only makes sense if you have a belief system that says "Look.Ifhe had conscious control over this behavior, it would have changedalready." So some part of him which is not conscious is running thispattern of behavior.I can guarantee you that ninety-nine times out of a hundred when aperson wants to make a change and they come to you for assistance,there's going to be a dissociation, a conflict, between their consciousdesires and some unconscious set of programs.The unconscious is farmore powerful.It far more about his needs than his consciousmind, far more than I could ever possibly know the outside.Ially myself immediately with the unconscious, and that's what I justfinished doing.That's one way to accomplish that, verbally and 140explicitly: "Look, I'm not talking to your conscious mind.I'm talkingto the part of you responsible for this pattern of behavior.It's going torun the show.I'm going to serve as its consultant."Now how you communicate with that part? If you had to go to theFederal Building in San Francisco and get someone to sign a paper,you'd be faced with a very complex task.Because out of 450 peoplein that building, there's only one of them whom you need to get to.Ifyou were to adopt the strategy of searching for the one person whosesignature you need by stopping at the door and talking to the guardand asking if he'll sign it, and then moving down the hallway, officeafter office, searching for the person who is authorized to sign, you'dwaste a great deal of time.It would be an inefficient strategy for you touse to get what you want in that bureaucratic setting.That's a reallyclose metaphor for a lot of the work that therapists do.Therapists have been trained to pay a great deal of attention to theconscious requests of their clients.Typically the conscious mind is theone that knows the least about what's going on in their behavior.Thefact that a person would come into my office and say to me "I'm X-ingand I no longer want to do that; help me a change," is a statementto me that he's already tried to make the change with all the resourcesthat he can get to consciously and he's failed miserably.It seems asabsurd as beginning with the guard and working your way throughevery office, for me to engage his conscious mind in a discussion ofthese possibilities.I want to go directly to the office where the personwho can sign that paper is residing.I want to go directly to the part ofDick which is controlling his behavior at the unconscious level in thiscontext.I also make the assumption that the part of you that makes youeven though you don't like that doing something onyour behalf, something that benefits you in some way.I don't knowwhat that is, and from your response you consciously don't know whatit is, because you want to stop it.So let's establish contact with that part officially.This is step two.It's already happened, but let's do it officially.Dick, do you know howto use words to talk to yourself on the inside? OK.What I'd you todo is to go inside in a moment and ask a question.I'll tell you what thequestion is.Your job, after you've asked this question, is simply toattend to any changes you sense in your body sensations, anykinesthetic changes, any images, or any sounds that occur in responseto the question.You don't have to try to influence this in any way.The 141part of you responsible for this pattern will make its needs knownthrough one of those sensory channels.You just have to be sensitive todetect the response.The question I would like you to ask is "Will the part of meresponsible for pattern X communicate with me in consciousness?"And then simply notice what change of feelings, images,or sounds.Your job out there, while Dick is doing this, is to observe him andalways get the answer to the question I have him ask before he gives itto us.And you already have it.That's really typical.We talked theother day about a choice in communication.Thisis one context in which I strongly recommend that you do notcomment, unless you simply want to shake somebody up.If you canalways get the answer before your client does, you have a reallypowerful direct channel of communication to their unconscious,outside of their awareness, that allows you to do really powerfulchecks.If the answer that you observe is different from theanswer they get in their awareness, that's an important thing to know.Dick, what was your experience after you asked the question?Dick: Confusion.OK."Confusion" is a nominalization [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]