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.I can be late.I want to see you too.  I ll be right over.I grabbed my purse and practicallyflew from my office.One nice perk aboutmy job, I didn t have to claim anappointment with a client or a court date.It was assumed I had some work-relatedengagement, as I told the receptionist I dbe gone for a few hours.I could count on one hand thenumber of times I d been to Jason s place.He always came to mine.Even when Iwent there, he usually came out to the carand never asked me up.Now, as I climbedthe steps in the rank-smelling stairwell and walked the dimly lit hallway, I knewwhy.It was a pretty creepy building.One rap on the door and it flewopen.Jason pulled me inside and hard upagainst him.I wrapped my arms aroundhis waist and nuzzled my face into hisshoulder.All the reasons for us not to betogether evaporated like mist.This wasexactly where I wanted to be and who Iwanted to be with. I m sorry, he muttered into myhair. I shouldn t have pulled away.Idon t want to be that guy anymore.I lifted my face and looked into hiseyes.  I guess I have a track record ofsplitting when things get hard.I had a talkwith an old girlfriend and rememberedsome things I d forgotten. What kind of things? I asked, notsure if I was prying or giving him a chanceto air issues he needed to talk about. Youdon t have to tell me if you don t want to. No.I think I should.Forgetting thepast doesn t seem to work so well.He took my hand and led me past thedilapidated armchairs and over to his bed.Heat flickered deep inside me as Iremembered our first night on that bed.I wouldn t mind replaying it, but this was atime for listening, not making out.I heldJason s hand and waited.He rubbed his thumb over the backof my hand, and my body responded as ifhe d laid me down and kissed mesenseless. Chrissy, that girl from highschool.I got her pregnant back then.I gaveher money for the abortion, but that s allthe support I gave her.I was heading tocollege, and she wasn t part of my future,so I cut her loose. Oh. I didn t know what to say.Yeah, it sounded like he d been harsh tosomeone who d been important in his life, but teen relationships often fell apart overunplanned pregnancies or when highschool was over. I m sure you ve grownsince then. Have I? I don t know.I was readyto walk away from you the moment thingsgot a little tough.Maybe I m a jerk at thecore.I squeezed his hand. I don t thinkso, or you wouldn t be here now.Everybody screws up.There are times inmy life I wouldn t relive for anything. I guess. What you did wasn t nice, but I think you can put it behind you and moveon.What s important is what you donow. Uh-huh. He pulled his hand awayfrom mine and tapped his fingers on histhigh.The nervous tic pinged my radar.There was something else Jason wasn tsaying. You asked me to be honest withyou, and I was.Is there something else youneed to tell me? I asked.Jason laced the fingers of bothhands together. Um, the night I blew offdinner with your parents, I did somethingelse.  What? The hair on my nape wasprickling. There was this other girl from highschool I ran into recently.She was the onewho reminded me about Chrissy.We wentout for a drink that night so I could learnmore about those years and&  Say it. We got pretty drunk while we weretalking, and we hooked up.I felt like someone had hit me in thestomach. Hooked up how? How much?He frowned and flexed his fingersnervously. A little more than kissing, but no sex. You mean no penetration? I askedcoolly, establishing the facts as if it wereone of my cases.Asking questions aboutdetail helped put my growing anger atarm s length. Right.No, uh, penetration, hestammered. But groping and bringing eachother off?He stared at his hands. Yeah.But itdidn t mean anything. No.Of course not. Try as I might,I couldn t keep the acid from eatingthrough as I pictured Jason doing intimate things with some strange woman from hispast. You were drunk, so that excuses it,right? You wanted honesty.I m beinghonest.We hadn t said we were exclusiveso  Seriously? I interrupted. I m not trying to make excuses, justtelling you how it happened.I know I waswrong to hook up with Lisa.She was thereand convenient, and I didn t stop toconsider what I was doing.I m sorry. Helooked at me with those serious, darkeyes, but for once I didn t melt. I rose from the bed, shaking off hishand when he grabbed my arm. I can t behere right now. I snatched up my purseand headed for the door. That s it? he said, coming afterme. We re not going to talk about it? No.Not now. I was too angry tobe reasonable.Maybe I d asked fortransparency but I hadn t expected to hearJason had been messing with some otherwoman.Right at that moment, I wanted tohurt him as much as he d hurt me. Maybeyou re right and you still are the jerk youwere before the accident.People don t change who they are underneath.I wanted to say a lot more hurtfulthings I didn t necessarily believe weretrue, but forced myself to leave before Istarted yelling.The door shut behind me,cutting off Jason s voice.By the time I reached my car I wasalready regretting my flare of temper, butpride wouldn t let me go back inside oreven send a text [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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