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. Sure, he mumbled, knowing his eyeswere half closing anyway. She sighed and kissed his temple and left him, falling asleep infront of an old movie, half dreaming of moments in the dark hecouldn t bring himself to regret.Sometime in the night she came outand took off his shoes and covered him with an old blanket, but hedidn t remember when.THE next day dawned brighter, and he gave her the carefully chosenpresents, which she adored.Chase got a new shirt, very trendy it wasbeautiful and he loved it and hip-dropping jeans that she got him, since you don t have any more hair down there, you might as wellshow the world! Holding a straight face for that was difficult, but he appreciatedthe gesture.They opened gifts, fixed breakfast, and then, inevitably, madelove.He closed his eyes and thought of the nameless, faceless personhe would be fucking the next day, because thinking about Tommy justhurt too goddamned much.They went to Donnie s parents for dinner, and Mercy andDonnie s mother (She kept asking them to call her Colleen, but Chasejust couldn t.He started calling her Mrs.Donnie s Mom just to makepeople laugh.) went into the kitchen with Donnie s sister Michelle tochatter like girls, and Chase, Donnie, Donnie s boyfriend Alejandro,and Kevin all ended up in the garage playing Ping-Pong.Donnie and Alejandro teamed up, which was good, because Yandro was a terrible Ping-Pong player, and so was Kevin.The matchresulted in Donnie and Chase facing off like they used to do duringbaseball practice when Chase pitched and Donnie was up at bat.Theaction was fierce, and for that moment, Chase lost himself in the purelyphysical expression of sports, crowing in triumph and pumping his fistsin the air when he made the final point to Donnie s anguished Ohcrap! There was a lot of laughter then, and Chase decided to go out ontothe porch to get another beer.He looked up behind him and Donniewas standing there with his hand out. One for Yandro? Chase asked, and Donnie took his own andshrugged a no. Yandro prefers wine.Preferably the pricey wine he brought inan effort to impress my parents. What a suck-up! Chase teased, and Donnie laughed. He was so nervous.He really wants my folks to like him, youknow? Chase thought about Donnie s mom, who had a stocking on themantelpiece for him, and one for Kevin, and one for Yandro, and onefor Chelle s best friend Alix. Your mom s the best, you know that, Donnie? I mean& I knowyou think she s just your mom, but&. Chase shuddered and tried notto think about all of the shit he d successfully avoided thinking aboutall day. Being able to come here for dinner tonight about saved myfuckin life, man.Just know that, okay? Donnie must have heard something a tremble in his voice, whenhe d worked so hard to keep one out, something.He put his hand onChase s shoulder as they stood there and looked out into the foggySacramento dark and drank cold beer. Is there something wrong? he asked, like he was afraid of theanswer.I fell in love with a guy I met on a gay-for-pay porn set, and hecheated on me when we weren t really a couple, because I had to leavehim for my girlfriend. Mercy had my dad over last night.It& it didn t go real fuckinwell. Donnie looked at him. You never talk about it. Chase took a hard pull on his beer. Don t want to now. God, Chase, please tell me you talk about it to Mercy. Donniesounded so concerned, and Chase clapped him on the shoulder. Donnie, can t we just agree that Dad is a lowlife? My childhoodsucked? My mom s death was& not fun? Do we have to put all thesewords on it? I just& I just&. Chase closed his eyes tight, rememberedhow badly Tommy had needed him for those three nights, how stricken he d looked as Chase had gotten back in the cab for the airport. God, he said, with feeling. I just have such a hard time getting by day today. Donnie s arm came around his shoulders, companionable,warm like family.For the first time in their lives, Chase didn t juststand up straight and return the gesture like a jock.For the first time, hesagged against Donnie s body, and was relieved when Donnie took thehint and wrapped his arms around Chase s shoulders in a way that wasso completely and utterly relaxed that it made Chase want to cry. What s wrong? Donnie asked softly, and Chase shook his head.It wasn t that he didn t want to talk about it, all of it& it just&.God.Itwasn t fair.It wasn t fair to fuck Donnie s Christmas up the way Chasehad fucked up Mercy s.It wasn t fair to any of them. You ever wonder how you can have the best of intentions, Chase asked, leaning his head on Donnie s chest like a child, and stillbe a complete and total fuck-up? Donnie s hug tightened. What d you do? Maybe someday I ll tell you. Chase took a deep breath andpulled in all the healing he could, then stood up and reclaimed his beerfrom the shelf by the fridge. Maybe someday when it s more funnythan bad. Donnie looked at him there in the darkness. Does Mercy know? Chase screwed his eyes shut tight. Donnie&. Donnie made a sound then, a faintly disapproving sound, andChase cringed. Chase, man, I love her.She s great.She s even goodfor you in some ways.She s funny and kind and smart.But you knowwhat she s not? And Chase was too raw not to answer that one with the truth. Male, he said softly, and the word washed some of the starchout of Donnie s speech. Yeah, man.That s a big one to get over, you know? Chase closed his eyes. I m learning, he said.And he might havespilled it all then Johnnies, Tommy, hope, sex, betrayal but at thatmoment Alejandro and Kevin came out from the garage to see what was keeping the two of them.Alejandro, slightly built, beautiful,Venezuelan man-god that he was, walked right into Donnie s space andbumped noses with him, and Donnie bent down a little, grinned thatgorgeous, nothin s gonna hurt me grin and kissed him.For a moment,Chase was afraid he wouldn t be able to look away, because they wereso beautiful and so perfect, and then he saw Donnie s eyes close, andthe entire world disappear including Chase and suddenly hecouldn t look at them at all.Kevin didn t have any such problems. If you two assholes don tstop sucking face and get back into the garage, my balls are gonnafreeze off before dinner. Donnie pulled back and grinned at him. Yeah, and since youdon t have anyone who gives a shit about your balls, that would be areal fuckin shame ouch! Yandro! Just because you are old enough to use that word does not meanit s necessary, Alejandro said primly, and Donnie bent his head againand silenced him with a kiss so dominant, the older man actuallywhimpered.Chase shook his head, surprised that he found a genuine smilefrom somewhere. Yeah, guys.I m with Kevin let s play some morePing-Pong, where the balls can t actually freeze off! He crossed hisarms and shivered, wondering if the fog was going to be too thick todrive. I prefer to spend my Christmases warm. THE upstairs part of Tommy s mom s house had been cold in themornings, because it was apparently controlled by some ancientdinosaur of a thermostat that Tommy needed to bang on and swear atbefore the heat would kick on [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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. Sure, he mumbled, knowing his eyeswere half closing anyway. She sighed and kissed his temple and left him, falling asleep infront of an old movie, half dreaming of moments in the dark hecouldn t bring himself to regret.Sometime in the night she came outand took off his shoes and covered him with an old blanket, but hedidn t remember when.THE next day dawned brighter, and he gave her the carefully chosenpresents, which she adored.Chase got a new shirt, very trendy it wasbeautiful and he loved it and hip-dropping jeans that she got him, since you don t have any more hair down there, you might as wellshow the world! Holding a straight face for that was difficult, but he appreciatedthe gesture.They opened gifts, fixed breakfast, and then, inevitably, madelove.He closed his eyes and thought of the nameless, faceless personhe would be fucking the next day, because thinking about Tommy justhurt too goddamned much.They went to Donnie s parents for dinner, and Mercy andDonnie s mother (She kept asking them to call her Colleen, but Chasejust couldn t.He started calling her Mrs.Donnie s Mom just to makepeople laugh.) went into the kitchen with Donnie s sister Michelle tochatter like girls, and Chase, Donnie, Donnie s boyfriend Alejandro,and Kevin all ended up in the garage playing Ping-Pong.Donnie and Alejandro teamed up, which was good, because Yandro was a terrible Ping-Pong player, and so was Kevin.The matchresulted in Donnie and Chase facing off like they used to do duringbaseball practice when Chase pitched and Donnie was up at bat.Theaction was fierce, and for that moment, Chase lost himself in the purelyphysical expression of sports, crowing in triumph and pumping his fistsin the air when he made the final point to Donnie s anguished Ohcrap! There was a lot of laughter then, and Chase decided to go out ontothe porch to get another beer.He looked up behind him and Donniewas standing there with his hand out. One for Yandro? Chase asked, and Donnie took his own andshrugged a no. Yandro prefers wine.Preferably the pricey wine he brought inan effort to impress my parents. What a suck-up! Chase teased, and Donnie laughed. He was so nervous.He really wants my folks to like him, youknow? Chase thought about Donnie s mom, who had a stocking on themantelpiece for him, and one for Kevin, and one for Yandro, and onefor Chelle s best friend Alix. Your mom s the best, you know that, Donnie? I mean& I knowyou think she s just your mom, but&. Chase shuddered and tried notto think about all of the shit he d successfully avoided thinking aboutall day. Being able to come here for dinner tonight about saved myfuckin life, man.Just know that, okay? Donnie must have heard something a tremble in his voice, whenhe d worked so hard to keep one out, something.He put his hand onChase s shoulder as they stood there and looked out into the foggySacramento dark and drank cold beer. Is there something wrong? he asked, like he was afraid of theanswer.I fell in love with a guy I met on a gay-for-pay porn set, and hecheated on me when we weren t really a couple, because I had to leavehim for my girlfriend. Mercy had my dad over last night.It& it didn t go real fuckinwell. Donnie looked at him. You never talk about it. Chase took a hard pull on his beer. Don t want to now. God, Chase, please tell me you talk about it to Mercy. Donniesounded so concerned, and Chase clapped him on the shoulder. Donnie, can t we just agree that Dad is a lowlife? My childhoodsucked? My mom s death was& not fun? Do we have to put all thesewords on it? I just& I just&. Chase closed his eyes tight, rememberedhow badly Tommy had needed him for those three nights, how stricken he d looked as Chase had gotten back in the cab for the airport. God, he said, with feeling. I just have such a hard time getting by day today. Donnie s arm came around his shoulders, companionable,warm like family.For the first time in their lives, Chase didn t juststand up straight and return the gesture like a jock.For the first time, hesagged against Donnie s body, and was relieved when Donnie took thehint and wrapped his arms around Chase s shoulders in a way that wasso completely and utterly relaxed that it made Chase want to cry. What s wrong? Donnie asked softly, and Chase shook his head.It wasn t that he didn t want to talk about it, all of it& it just&.God.Itwasn t fair.It wasn t fair to fuck Donnie s Christmas up the way Chasehad fucked up Mercy s.It wasn t fair to any of them. You ever wonder how you can have the best of intentions, Chase asked, leaning his head on Donnie s chest like a child, and stillbe a complete and total fuck-up? Donnie s hug tightened. What d you do? Maybe someday I ll tell you. Chase took a deep breath andpulled in all the healing he could, then stood up and reclaimed his beerfrom the shelf by the fridge. Maybe someday when it s more funnythan bad. Donnie looked at him there in the darkness. Does Mercy know? Chase screwed his eyes shut tight. Donnie&. Donnie made a sound then, a faintly disapproving sound, andChase cringed. Chase, man, I love her.She s great.She s even goodfor you in some ways.She s funny and kind and smart.But you knowwhat she s not? And Chase was too raw not to answer that one with the truth. Male, he said softly, and the word washed some of the starchout of Donnie s speech. Yeah, man.That s a big one to get over, you know? Chase closed his eyes. I m learning, he said.And he might havespilled it all then Johnnies, Tommy, hope, sex, betrayal but at thatmoment Alejandro and Kevin came out from the garage to see what was keeping the two of them.Alejandro, slightly built, beautiful,Venezuelan man-god that he was, walked right into Donnie s space andbumped noses with him, and Donnie bent down a little, grinned thatgorgeous, nothin s gonna hurt me grin and kissed him.For a moment,Chase was afraid he wouldn t be able to look away, because they wereso beautiful and so perfect, and then he saw Donnie s eyes close, andthe entire world disappear including Chase and suddenly hecouldn t look at them at all.Kevin didn t have any such problems. If you two assholes don tstop sucking face and get back into the garage, my balls are gonnafreeze off before dinner. Donnie pulled back and grinned at him. Yeah, and since youdon t have anyone who gives a shit about your balls, that would be areal fuckin shame ouch! Yandro! Just because you are old enough to use that word does not meanit s necessary, Alejandro said primly, and Donnie bent his head againand silenced him with a kiss so dominant, the older man actuallywhimpered.Chase shook his head, surprised that he found a genuine smilefrom somewhere. Yeah, guys.I m with Kevin let s play some morePing-Pong, where the balls can t actually freeze off! He crossed hisarms and shivered, wondering if the fog was going to be too thick todrive. I prefer to spend my Christmases warm. THE upstairs part of Tommy s mom s house had been cold in themornings, because it was apparently controlled by some ancientdinosaur of a thermostat that Tommy needed to bang on and swear atbefore the heat would kick on [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]